Managing Boundaries

As a carer, your role is incredibly important; however, it's also essential to protect your own wellbeing. Setting healthy boundaries is not a selfish act; it’s needed for sustainable and compassionate caring.

You need to put your own oxygen mask on first before you assist others with their oxygen masks. This means you have to care for yourself before you can care for others.

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What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are only there for one thing: to look after you. Boundaries are limits and guidelines we set for ourselves in our lives. They help us to communicate our needs, protect our time and emotions, and maintain balance in our lives. A lack of boundaries only serves others' interests and never our own. A lack of boundaries benefits everyone but you.

Ask yourself, “Am I rewarding unhelpful behaviour?”
Remember, “What gets repeated gets rewarded.”

Why Boundaries Matter for Carers

Without clear boundaries, carers often experience burnout, frustration and exhaustion physically and emotionally. Setting boundaries can help you:

Avoid overcommitting to too many activities or obligations
Protect your mental and physical health
Strengthen relationships
Be more mindful and patient as a carer for the person you look after

Keep in mind that you can

Say 'no' to tasks you can't manage
Schedule regular breaks or time off
Communicate with someone when you need help or support
Limit conversations or contacts that drain your energy
Prioritise your own health appointments and recovery (the doctors, beach walk, etc.)

Setting and Maintaining Boundaries

Be Clear and Kind: Use assertive but respectful language.
Practice Saying No: You don’t have to explain everything to everyone.
Start Small: Begin with one or two simple boundaries that are easy to do.
Stay Consistent: Mixed signals can confuse others and where you stand.
Context: Adjust based on the situation or person/ relationship
Seek Support: Talk to a professional or peer support group if you need more help with enacting them.

Assertive Communication

Examples of how things you can say

“No, I can’t make it today, hope you have a great time”
“Thank you for the offer, but I can’t make it”
“I’m not comfortable discussing that”
“I’m not available now, but maybe we can reschedule for (specific time)”
"Please don't call me on the weekends, as I’m not available"

Remember

You are not being difficult or selfish by setting boundaries. You are choosing to care for yourself, so you can continue caring for others. Boundaries are a form of love for yourself and those you support.